I Have No Idea What I’m Doing, but I’m Writing About it Anyway

Yesterday I had the really awesome (yah, I said awesome…I’m from California, so just be glad I didn’t say “hella awesome”. oops…just did) opportunity to talk to a most pleasant gentleman (hi!) who is writing a book about stuttering and for the first time in a long while I had the opportunity to articulate my thoughts and experiences with stuttering and suffice it to say: I do not have my elevator pitch down just yet.

I don’t know exactly how stuttering has affected my life because it’s the only way of speaking I’ve ever known. From time to time, I try to imagine what it must be like to not have to strategize* every phone call or conversation or to be able to actually say everything that crosses my mind. Actually…in that regard, stuttering has probably kept me from  being that awful know-it-all who won’t shut up, so when you take the social stigma of a speech impediment and weigh it against that, maybe I’m breaking even on the social-likability scale. Maybe not. Either way, I actually don’t know what I’d do if I woke up tomorrow with perfect speech. At any rate, I’m the kind of person who would surely find something else to obsess over but stuttering sure functions well as an all-consuming fear generator- apparently leaving me no time for successful self-reflection (as evidenced not only by this blog and its wandering-aimlessly-through-the-seas-of-nothingness type of prose**, but also this particular blog post, which has no satisfying moral-of-the-story-type conclusion, though is not without an overuse of dashes).

Maybe the epiphany is on the horizon. I’ll let y’all know.

*I think WordPress is Gaslighting me by red-lining strategize. It’s is a word. Right?

** Sorry, I couldn’t think of a less pretentious word to use there.


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